Losing Isaiah - a rant

Yesterday I had the misfortune of watching the movie "Losing Isaiah."  I hadn't planned on it.  I was going to go work out at the gym and it was on TV.  I got caught up in it, hoping and praying that it didn't turn out the way it did.  But sure enough, it turned out to be a huge piece of crap. 

"Losing Isaiah" is the story of Khaila, a young woman who is a crack addict who leaves her newborn baby, Isaiah, in the trash when she goes for her next fix.  The baby was born addicted to drugs.  In comes a social worker named Maggie who falls in love with this baby, stays by his side while he fights for his life in the NICU, adopts him as her own son, and her and her husband endeavor on raising this beautiful boy.  They have one biological daughter, Hannah, and Isaiah and she quickly bond as siblings.

Fast forward a few years and Khaila is clean.  She decides that she wants Isaiah back (that is when she learns that she didn't actually kill him).  She seeks out a lawyer and he decides to represent her pro bono to get back the child she so carelessly tossed into a cardboard box.  It kind of reminds me of King Solomon.  If she truly did love her child, she wouldn't want to remove this child from the only home is has ever known to assuage her own guilt.  If she truly loved him, she would want the best for him.

This is where it gets sticky.  You see, Khaila and Isaiah are black.  Isaiah's adoptive parents are white.  You wouldn't think this should matter seeing as how there are successful transracial adoptions all the time.  As a social worker who works in adoptions, I've seen the longitudinal research that shows that parents who make an effort to connect their children with their culture, have children who grow into happy, successful adults who feel very positive about their adoption.  I sat in on a panel of 8 adult adoptees who were all different races who grew up in families where their parents were different races from them and they were all very positive about their experiences.  

The part that made me the most angry was the court proceedings.  The lawyer tried to make Khaila look like Mother Teresa (because Mother Teresa stuffed so many newborns in the garbage as she went off to get a crack fix) and made Maggie look like a racist who only adopted Isaiah to prove that whites are rescuing black children from their horrible culture.  He tried to portray her as someone who thought of herself as Isaiah's "great white hope."  She adopted Isaiah because she loved him.  Not because he was black and she was white.  I doubt Maggie was even thinking about race when she was getting up for 2 am feedings, or potty training him, or nursing him through an illness.  What does race have to do with love?

The thing that got me screaming at the TV was the social worker who testified (who just happened to be white) that Isaiah should be returned to his biological mother simply because of race.  Really?  This isn't was the National Association of Social Workers recommends.  She said that it was a good thing that black children were placed in white families for a time and then removed once a suitable black family was found.  So it's in the best interest of the child to be removed from the only home and family they have ever known just so that they can be raised by a family of the same ethnicity?  Fu-wha?  

My favorite quote from this social worker:  I am sick and tired of the attitude that says that taking poor black children out of their environment and placing them in an affluent household is better for the child.  What kind of values does that suggest?

I'll tell you what values that suggests, lady.  It suggests that you are perfectly willing to take a child out of his environment that he has grown up in for the last 4 years and take him away from the only family he has ever known because he is black and his family is white, and yet you're not willing to remove him from a crack addict's environment where he is stuffed in a garbage can.  Unbelievable.  Her social work license should be taken away.  I suggest that placing a child in a household where a child is loved, his basic needs are met, and the family has the resources to provide for him IS A GOOD VALUE!!!  Regardless of race.

And if I thought that only affluent people should be able to adopt, I wouldn't work for an agency that has the lowest fees in the country.

But I digress.  Stupidly, the nitwit judge finds that Isaiah should be returned to his biological mother because it is better to be raised by your biological parents.  Um, I don't think so, judge.  Where did you go to law school?  Children are taken away from their biological parents all the time because of abuse and neglect.  I think stuffing your newborn in the trash while go off in search of drugs constitutes abuse and neglect.

Of course, as the social workers are ripping Isaiah away from his parents, not even giving Maggie a chance to really hug him goodbye, Isaiah is traumatized and screaming for his mother.  He goes to live with Khaila, where he becomes despondent, a mute, and refuses to eat.  Gone is the little boy full of energy and life.  Khaila dumps him off in daycare because she has to work, and he hardly interacts with anyone there either.  Khaila doesn't know what to do.  Everyone is telling her to give it time, but she doesn't understand why he doesn't automatically love her just because she gave birth to him.  I wonder if Isaiah was thinking, "your failed attempts at motherhood stink worse than the garbage you left me to die in 4 years ago, lady."

One day Khaila tries to get Isaiah to eat at a fast food restaurant and he throws his food to the ground.  He becomes increasingly upset and starts running around the place, knocking down chairs, and screaming for his Mommy.  Because Isaiah doesn't understand about race.  He doesn't understand a lawyer with a political agenda.  He doesn't understand abandonment or drugs.  He doesn't understand a nitwit judge who shouldn't be allowed to grace a bench.  All he understands is that the Mommy he has always known isn't there taking care of him.

At the end of the movie, Khaila finally understands that this was not in the best interest of Isaiah.  She calls Maggie and Maggie rushes to his school.  They walk in a classroom where a hysterical Isaiah is being held by his teacher.  He sees Maggie and the crying stops.  Instead he runs toward her, his face full of joy, as he screams, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"  Khaila says something stupid about how Isaiah will go live with Maggie, but only until he understands what's going on.  And then the stupid movie ends with Maggie, Khaila, and Isaiah playing on the ground with some blocks.

What I think SHOULD have happened is the judge should have upheld the adoption, while giving Khaila some sort of an open adoption.  One where she would still be able to see Isaiah, but not a situation where she was given full custody.  That way if she ever relapsed (because that's what drug addicts do), Isaiah would be in a safe place with his FAMILY.

So what makes a family?  Is it genetics?  Is it being from the same race?  Or is it about the people who love you and take care of you?  Adoption isn't about giving a couple a baby.  It's about giving a baby a family.  And that is what Isaiah had until Khaila ripped it away from him.  Once you put your newborn in the trash, you lose the right to decide what happens to your child.  I don't care what race you are.  Your MOTHER is the mother who raised you.