16 and Pregnant

I've got to hand it to MTV. They, surprisingly, have been showing a lot of positive adoption stories as of late. First there was an episode of "True Life" called "I'm placing my baby for adoption." As an Adoption/Birth Parent Caseworker I can tell you that episode was 100% accurate.

This summer they premiered a show called "16 and Pregnant." The previews showed one girl who looked like she had made an adoption plan. So I watched this series very hopeful that this one young girl would go through her adoption plan.

The first 5 episodes featured girls who decided to parent. Four of the five maintained relationships with the birthfathers, which I believed heavily influenced their decisions to parent. What I was so impressed about this show is how it showed a warts and all reality. In the first episode, Maci and her fiance go through some severe relationship difficulties after the baby is born. She is trying to be a grown-up by taking care of the baby, graduating early so she can go to college, and working. He, on the other hand, wants to hang out with his friends after work and barely spends 20 minutes a day with the baby. He won't even watch the baby so she can study. Maci, appropriately, starts to have some resentment issues. I thought it was great that is shows that just because you stay with the birthfather and you make plans to marry, doesn't mean it always works out. On the follow-up episode, the fiance is a fiance no more and Maci struggles to raise this baby on her own.

On the second episode, Farrah wants nothing to do with the birthfather, even though at one time he was her boyfriend. She is a popular cheerleader, but sees her popularity decline after her belly starts to show. She decides to do home school to avoid all the gossip. Her mother and father almost refuse to help her at all with the baby (besides giving her a place to live and the money to raise the baby) and she becomes isolated while she watches her friends enjoy their lives and she is stuck at home with a baby. It will be interesting what she has to say about her situation on the follow up show.

On another episode a girl has to give up her dreams of joining the Air Force and even delays graduating high school because the birthfather is unsupportive of her taking night classes. He says he is, but never makes it home in time to watch the baby so she can go. Another young couple has to move in with his parents, but has to deal with the fact that their baby has some serious health problems they might not be mature enough to handle. Another couple struggles with money and the birthfather's irresponsible spending (why buy baby items when you can get a gaming system!).

But the most touching and poignant episode was that of Catelynn and Tyler who made the loving decision to place their daughter for adoption. I was so impressed with their strength and maturity in the face of their parent's complete non-support that thinking about it brings me to tears. Both of them grew up in unstable situations. Catelynn has moved over 13 times in 16 years. Tyler's father spent most of Tyler's life in prison. And even though Catelynn and Tyler were dating first, her mother and his father fell in love and got married, making them step-siblings.

Catelynn and Tyler were mature and smart enough to recognize that bringing a child into an unstable situation wasn't in her best interest, considering the way they had grown up. Both of their parents are completely unsupportive of their adoption plan. At one point they are all arguing in the kitchen and Tyler's father says that all a baby needs is love. And Tyler remarks that no dad, babies need a whole lot more than just love. I always say that love doesn't buy diapers and formula. His father also takes him out to dinner one night and basically tells him that he's not "manning up" by placing the baby for adoption. I can't think of a better way to "man up" than to put your own needs and emotions aside to do what is in the best interest of your child. (I didn't want to point this out, but Butch (Tyler's dad) didn't exactly "man up" when he was out committing the crimes that sent him to jail and away from his family for years). And it wasn't just Butch who had the problem. At one point, Catelynn's mother actually calls her a bitch for meeting with the prospective adoptive couple and not bringing her along.

I think the thing that impressed me the most was Tyler. Most birthfathers, in my experience, abandon the girls they got pregnant. Someone like Tyler is rare and he definitely is more of a "man" than his father probably will ever realize. The most touching scene to me was after the baby was born and they were cleaning her off, Tyler just held Catelynn and cried and kept telling her that they could do it, and that their daughter was going to have such a happy life. I just wanted to go through the screen and hug that young couple for their courage.

The adoptive couple were wonderful as well. From what I saw, they developed a close relationship with Tyler and Catelynn. They exchanged gifts in the hospital. One of the gifts was Teresa, the adoptive mom, gave Catelynn a bracelet to wear that she would wear as well, and when Carly (the baby) got old enough, she would wear one as well. It was a charm bracelet with a heart that said "Always in my heart." It was so great to see how much respect this adoptive couple have for Tyler and Catelynn and how they would like to include them in Carly's life. They said they think of Catelynn and Tyler as their angels. When adoptions are open, this is really the best for all parties involved in an adoption triad.

At the end of the episode Catelynn reaffirms that she made the right decision for Carly and that she is at peace with her decision. She said that placing the baby for adoption made her want to do better in her own life, like going to college, and some day in the future marrying Tyler and having children of their own. She said that she and Tyler grew closer through this experience and deepened their love for each other. They both know that what they did for Carly was about love. They loved her so much they couldn't let her grow up the way they did. They wanted more for her. They wanted her to be happy. And isn't that what adoption is all about? Love? At the very end Catelynn says that she thinks someday Carly will tell them "thank you." I have no doubts about that at all.

I wept throughout this entire episode. I wept for Tyler and Catelynn's selflessness and their willingness to put their daughter's needs before their own. I wept for their total lack of support from their parents. I wept for knowing exactly the grief that they will go through. I wept at the adoptive couple's, Teresa and Brandon, compassion. I wept for this baby girl knowing that she was going where Heavenly Father wanted her to be. In fact I wept so much, my husband asked me if I was okay. I think I had such a strong emotional reaction to this episode because I don't really get to cry at work. I have to be the strong one and support these parents with what they go through. This was the outlet I needed to cry for every birthparent I've worked with.

I hope that life moves forward for Tyler and Catelynn. I know that they will be blessed for the decision they made.

Watch the full episode of these two incredible angels:

MTV's 16 and Pregnant - MTV Shows