The Daisy

If I were a flower

I think I'd be a daisy.

Adaptable.

Sturdy.

Tough.

And yet beautiful.

Delicate.

Vunerable.

But optmistically reaching toward the sun.

Winter may come

and cut me down.

Take me down to my roots.

But I will grow again.

I will bloom.

And I would be beautiful.

If I were a daisy.

15 Albums

I like making lists.  So here is a list of 15 albums that had a significant impact on my life and why.

"Abbey Road" by The Beatles 

Frankly, all of The Beatles' albums have had a profound effect on me. I came to love The Beatles in high school and they are by far my favorite band. They are musical geniuses. Their melodies and 

harmonies are amazing! And how they constantly changed their style 

over time, which is extremely hard to do. They have influenced every band that has come after them. I could never fully articulate what their music means to me. I heart The Beatles!

"Little Earthquakes" by Tori Amos 

Tori Amos wrote this music as her recovery from a horrific rape.

This music is hauntingly beautiful. It also helped me during a very dark time in my life. Tori is a gifted artist and proves that from tragedy can come amazing triumph and beautiful art.

"Weezer" aka the Blue Album by Weezer 

This came out in 1994 and sounded different than anything I had ever heard before and I LOVED IT. Here were kids that were the weirdos in high school and rock harder than all the "cool kids." Weezer will always be one of my faves.

"Songs about Jane" by Maroon 5 

I could listen to this entire album over and over again and not get sick of it. I was at a point in my life where I never thought I'd ever hear any new music again and love it. I was wrong! Unfortunately their sophomore effort wasn't nearly as creative or meaningful.

"August and Everything After" by Counting Crows 

Words cannot explain how much I love this album. Another album I could listen to from beginning to end and never get sick of it. Like "Little Earthquakes" this is a album that helped me work through some tough times. Because, 'round here, we always stand up straight.

"Pieces of You" by Jewel 

I hated the first single off this album, "Who will save your souls?" but when I heard "You were meant for me" for the first time, I became a Jewel fan. I'm still amazed that a homeless 

girl living out of her van in San Diego wrote this beautiful album. The most profound line in the title track is, "do you hate her 'cause she's pieces of you?" Those songs still touch me.

 

"Stadium Arcadium" by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers Honestly, the best work done by the Chilli Peppers in their 20 year career. I could listen to both discs over and over again, ad infinitum, and they would still sound fresh and amazing. Like a fine wine, the Chilli Peppers just get better with age.

"Taking the long way" by The Dixie Chicks 

I was not a Dixie Chicks fan until 2003 when they had the courage to stand up against the whole world and declare that dissent is patriotic. Their words on "Not Ready to Make nice" helped me heal the wounds I had suffered at being called every name in the book for being against the Iraq War. Five Grammys and a few years later they were proven right. Also, the song "Silent House" makes me cry every time because I think of my mother. "And I will try to connect all the pieces you left. I will carry them on and let you forget. And I'll remember the years when your mind was clear. All the laughter and life filled up this Silent House." Amazing.

"Tragic Kingdom" by No Doubt

My first introduction to No Doubt. Simply amazing from beginning to end. I remember seeing the video for "Just a Girl" on 120 Minutes on MTV and thinking they were like nothing 

I had ever heard before. This album basically defines the summer between my senior year in high school and frosh year in college.

"Time Out" by Dave Brubeck 

I took an Intro to Jazz class my frosh year and this is the album I love the most from it. It reminds me of my Grandpa and his love of Jazz.

"Ropin' the Wind" by Garth Brooks 

I remember hearing "Shameless" for the first time as a 13 year old girl and knowing that I wanted to love and be loved like that. The amazing thing is, the song was written by Billy Joel.

"Luck of the Draw" by Bonnie Raitt

Who hasn't cried while listening to "I can't make you love me?" Or least had their heart break a little. The whole album is genius and Raitt's voice is to die for.

"Come on Come on" by Mary Chapin Carpenter There are so many songs I love on this album. The song "Only a Dream" reminds me of when my sister left for law school and walking into her empty room and feeling her absence so completely.  

"Erasure Pop! - The first 20 hits" by Erasure 

When I feel a little down, Erasure can always lift my spirits. I love their ABBA rip offs and their original music. This album helped me get healthy as I would wake up at the butt crack of dawn and walk 3 miles around my neighborhood with this in my Walkman. Yes, I said Walkman. It was the 90s and they were cool.

 

"Les Miserables: The Complete Symphonic Version" Introduced to me in Junior High, the story of Les Mis and Jean Valjean has touched my life. The words in this musical are truly inspiring. And they were translated from French! "Take my hand, I'll lead you to salvation. Take my love. For love is everlasting. And remember the truth that once was spoken, to love another person is to see the face of God." Those were the last words I sang to my Mom a few hours before she passed away.

Snow

I hate snow.  

Why do I live in Utah?  Because I was born here.  And because now that all my family is here, I don't want to take my children away from their extendeds and live a cousin-less life.

But seriously, snow?  It was 70 degrees here on Saturday.  My daughter and I went and walked 5 miles on a nearby Parkway.  Sure it was windy, but it was also so warm I kept taking off my jacket.  This morning we wake up to 2 inches of snow.

I hate snow.

What fresh hell is this?

Two weeks ago I weaned my baby from breast-feeding.  I went back on my regular birth control and was surprised when I went to the pharmacy to see that my regular bcp, Yasmin, is now being substituted with the generic called Ocella.  It sucks.  Actually, that's an understatement.

I never experienced negative side effects before with Yasmin.  In fact, I lost weight when I started taking it.  It was wonderful.  And without going into TMI territory, life was a breeze.

Not on Ocella.  In the last 2 weeks I have had stomach cramping like I have never had before.  It feels like the worst gas of my life.  And nothing in my eating habits has changed.  Just taking this piece of crap generic.  I'm nauseated if I don't eat right away.  I've had dizzy spells.  And I'm breaking out like crazy.  Okay, so in my book breaking out consists of 2 zits.  But that's 2 more than I had 2 weeks ago.  

I'm not going to live my life like this.  I don't know who's butt I have to kiss or rip to get back on Yasmin, but I going to do it.  Ocella sucks.  Don't take it.  And don't let your pharmacist give it to you without your consent.

Miracles

Did I ever mention the fact that I have the best job in the world?

Do you remember my story about my adoptive couple clients that went to Michigan to adopt their daughter and MI has all these ridiculous laws and the agency there was a major pain in the butt to work with?  Do you remember me telling you I spent several back-breaking hours (only because my office chair sucks) hunched over a keyboard revising their home study to meet with MI's approval whilst very pregnant?  And how about having to call the woman who is in charge of background check's for the entire state of Utah the DAY BEFORE the baby was due because the MI agency forgot to mention that they required fingerprinting?  How about the hours I've spent on the phone, emails, tears this couple has shed, I have shed, the prayers that have been said, the pleading, begging, negotiating, more tears, money spent, time away, and did I mention prayers?

Today, it was all worth it.

Today I witnessed a miracle happen.

Today I had the honor and privilege of going with this amazing couple to the Logan temple to watch as they were sealed to their daughter for Time and all Eternity.  Wow.  I have never experienced so much joy in my entire life for another person(s).

The amount of gratitude they feel toward me is unreal.  To me, I feel like I just did my job and what I would do for any one of my couples.  I like to say that I just do the paperwork and Heavenly Father does the rest.  I was just so humbled that they wanted me there with them on this special day.

This couple will ALWAYS be special to me.  I love them.

Families are Forever.

Rantorific Tuesday

On last Friday's episode of "Oprah," (3/06) she had on her favorite mediocre film maker, Tyler Perry.  It's obvious Oprah has some sort of crush or obsession with him because she's constantly plugging his films, which are ridiculous at best.

What annoyed me was, Oprah said she was finally going to reveal what a truly generous person Tyler Perry was.  I expected that she was going to tell how he had donated millions to her school for girls in Africa or to her Angel Network, or some other charity.

Nope, she instead tells this indulgent, conspicuous-consumption-at-it's-worst, story about how one day Perry came to get her at her California home in a convertible Bentley.  Her gal pal Gayle was there and they took a ride and Gayle tried to convince Oprah to get one for herself.  Oprah said no because she doesn't need another car.  

A while later a brand new Bentley shows up on Oprah's door step.  It was a gift from Tyler Perry.  She called Gayle.  Gayle has a brand new Bentley from Perry too!  They only cost about $300,000.  Isn't he generous?

Um, no.  He gave a ridiculously expensive car to a BILLIONAIRE who stated that she didn't need another car.  What the hell is she going to use this car for other than showing off?  When I think of the amount of people who could eat food for a month with the 600K he dropped on Oprah and Gayle, I am sickened.  Yeah, it's Tyler Perry's money and he can choose to spend it how he wants.  But to use this as a story on how generous he is makes me want to puke.

And I'd like to tell Oprah to stop telling her viewers to stop spending indulgently when she's flaunting gifted Bentley's in our faces.  Yeah, we all need to live within our means, but coming from a billionaire is arrogant at best.  Is it indulgent to spend $40 a month on my daughter's ADHD medication?  Is it indulgent to spend about $300 a year on a gym membership so that I can exercise and be healthy?  It is indulgent to spend $160 a month on my car payment?  How about $100 a week on groceries?  Or how about the fact that I just dropped about $1,400 on my dentist to pay him off for a procedure my insurance PROMISED they covered?  Tell me, Oprah?  Was is indulgent about my spending?  Until you stop flaunting your Christian Louboutin shoes, your multi-million dollar home that is 2,000 miles away from where you work, and your private jets....you can kiss my umpampered butt.  

          

Milk, it does a body good

I have several neuroses revolving around that breakfast favorite known as Milk.  My husband has learned to deal with them, even if he shakes his head at me sometimes.  

I refuse to drink milk if the jug has been out of the fridge longer than one minute.  If I see that milk has been left sitting out for longer than that, I will never drink from that jug again.

Because of this, I have to put the milk away as soon as I get it out of the fridge.  It's almost a race in my mind to see how fast I can pour milk and get it back into the fridge.

I only like to drink milk out of a glass or ceramic cup.  If you see me with a coffee mug, it's full of milk.  For some reason in my mind, this keeps my milk colder longer.  No plastic cups allowed.

The minute my milk starts to get warm, I'll pour it down the drain.  Warm milk makes me want to hurl.

Anything that is milky without being actual milk, I won't eat.  This includes fresh mozzarella and cottage cheese.  They make me want to hurl.  They both remind me of spoiled milk.

All of these neuroses stem from the fact I had bad milk once.  ONCE!

Comments

I posted my opinion about "The Secret Life" (see the post directly below) on an open forum on the ABC Family Channel's website and I was shocked and amazed at:

1 - How stupid teenagers are these days

2- How people think that being on the internet gives you the right to attack people

3 - How lacking the American education system is because hardly any of the people could put together a coherent sentence.

These are some of the comments:

"YOU'RE ridiculous and unrealistic!! Sure, some characters are exaggerated with their personalities, like Ben, but pregnant teens are everywhere"

"so, you think just because Amy decides to keep the baby & peolpe are willing to help her the show is unrealistic???"

"yes the show is unrealistic at some times but isnt that why people watch tv? People do not want to see life portrayed exactly like it is on television. People watch tv to get away from reality. I know that is what I do. tv is purely for entertainment, not for people to take seriously and live exactly like the show. some people may but most people who watch the show know it isjust a tv show and know not to take it seriously. like i said this show is meant for entertainment and for kids to learn something as well. if parents sit down and talk with their children about what happens and it is not realistic then children may not turn into Amy."

"just leave us alone"

"Oh my god! It's a freakin' TV show! Who cares if its unrealistic or not. Seriously this is really immature. Your really an adult? Because you certainly aren't acting like it. Don't come on to the boards, where fans of the show like to chat about the show, trying to tell us about how bad it is. We don't care! we aren't going to stop watching the show just because you say these things. Honestly, I don't know what your trying to acomplish here. You must be looking for some sort of attention, but at least try to get a life. You don't like the show. Don't watch it. As simple as that."

"get over it just leave us along the people on this broards love this show my mom had a baby at 15 to so go away"

Luckily there were some sane people who commented and these are their comments:

"I could not agree more. I don't know how anyone at the network can sleep at night after what they aired. And I certainly can't think of any responsible parent who would let their child watch that sort of irresponsible nonsense."

"I am with you 110%! It's very unrealistic that everything would just fall into place like that! Just ignore the other people on the board! You were only posting your opinion and if someone has a problem with that, then they need to realize that this is an open forum! Everyone can post their opinion! Don't let them chase you off the boards! Keep standing up for what you believe! You go girl!"

"I do have to agree with you on this post."

The Secret Life

I am SO annoyed by last night's episode of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager."  Amy is 15 and pregnant from the first time she had sex.  She was considering adoption and actively looking for a couple to adopt her baby.   Then in last night's episode everyone in her life conspired to make her keep the baby.  So now she's keeping the baby.

I want to tell the producers of the show you are sending a HORRIBLE message to teenagers across the country.  Fifteen year old girls should not be mothers.  Fifteen year old girls should be fifteen year old girls.  That baby DESERVES to have two parents that are in a stable marriage who can provide for that baby without the help of the State, Church, parents, etc.  A baby/child shouldn't be passed around between two parents who are still in high school.  This is ridiculous.  

They are doing such a disservice.  They're telling girls that if they get pregnant in high school everything will magically work out for you so that you can be a parent.  Your friendly neighborhood Christian will get her pastor to give you a job in a daycare where you can leave your child during school hours and this magically appearing job just happens to offer Insurance.  Your boyfriend (who is not the birthfather) will get a job in his Millionaire father's butcher shop to help you support a child who isn't his.  Because 15 year old boys are so apt to do those things.  And the birthfather, who has never taken responsibility for any of his actions his entire life, will also get a job in said butcher shop to help you support the baby.  Yeah freaking right.

I am so mad right now.

ADOPTION is a responsible choice.  If Amy chose adoption, that means she was taking responsibility for her actions.  ADOPTION IS A RESPONSIBLE CHOICE!!!  Yes, we all would like to keep the babies we bring into this life.  But those babies didn't ask to be born.  They didn't ask to be raised by a single teenage mom still living at home with her parents.  Mothers do what is in the best interest of their child no matter how much it hurts them personally.  And Amy is not doing the responsible thing no matter how many magical jobs appear in her life or how many fifteen year old boys magically want to take responsibility for a child.  In working with birthmoms there is one thing that I have found to be true - All the people who said they would help you while you were pregnant, are no where to be found once the baby is born.  Ask anyone who's been in this position.

"Adoption is not a breaking of trust but a keeping of faith.  Not the abandonment of a baby, but the abandonment of SELF for a baby's sake."  -Curtis Young

Updates of Happiness

So I posted about two craptastic days due to two hospital social workers who had forgotten that the first rule of social work is to always protect and advocate for the best interests of your clients.  Oh, and to treat people with respect and common decency.

Anyway, I have a happy update.  A week ago today, the adoptive couple were able to take the baby home from the NICU.  The nurses were preparing him for discharge when they said they were going to have to call social work to arrange for the billy blanket (he was just a tad jaundiced).  The adoptive mother yelled "no!" until they told her the social worker that was on duty was the good one who saved the day for us twice.  She told me later they ran out of the hospital with the baby and sped out of the parking lot so fast before anyone could change their minds.  They're afraid to even drive him past that hospital at this point....

On Thursday, the birthparents went before a judge to relinquish their rights.  The judge treated them with such kindness.  He told them he respected them and admired them for what they were doing.  Giving their baby the life they couldn't give him.  What a stark contrast from the way they were treated just a week earlier.

Then on Friday my clients came to my office and signed the adoption placement agreement.  Per the law, I have to supervise them for 6 months before they can finalize this adoption.  Awesome.  I can't wait for August!

And in other happy news, the adoption I've been working on with the Michigan agency for the past YEAR is finally coming to a close.  The birthfather agreed to have his rights terminated on the basis of him receiving correspondence from my clients a few times a year for the next 18 years.  I talked to the Michigan agency on Thursday and the Secretary told me she had spoken to the Court Officer in Michigan who said that the adoption should be finalized by the end of the week and that my couple should be getting their decree of adoption sometime this week.  Wahoo!  I am so honored that my clients invited my husband and me to join them at the temple in 2 weeks when they're sealed to their daughter for time and all eternity.  Again, awesome.

I believe in Miracles.